Good intentions...but we are one of a kind

ah gal work 11am-10pm tonite..before she set up, i just reminded her to be alert at all times... especailly when coming home..

this reminded me that one of my good buddy suggested to get ah boy to wait for her downstairs while she returning from home... Well, i understand her good intentions...but we are one of a kind....

we are not those normal family, who has a husband or a father concern enough to go down stairs to pick up the wife or daughter on those late nites return.. . we just dont have this kind of privilege, and we must learn to live up with our conditions....we are on our own, very much alone.......

Though is a good suggestion to get ah boy to pick up her, but how many times, how many nites he can do it... so we decided to have a small family discussion over this.... and we all agreed one need to be alert and careful when we are back alone... and we must learn to take care ourselves at all times, and in all situations....

We must also believe there is a pair of invisiable eyes that watching over us.. but we have to do our part to protect ourselves first..
for gals, not to wear too prevailing... and boys not to be flashy with his toys. >> handphone, ipod etc...

well, i apply these when i travel alone durinng my assignment.. anyone to protect me , to pick up now and then.. NO ONE!! NONE !! I AM ALL ALONE !!! just have to trust God to protect.... so are my kids... they are not normal kids..... they are one of a kind that grow up much more stronger and versatile compare to those in normal happy family kinda.....

Hidden fear is gone .... at least for now

As my kids grown up... i hv a fear inside me.. it was what happen if the biological father come back and haunt them for money... i got ridden on enough, and i dont want my kids follows my footsteps....

Recent event has brought me to a point to tell my kids what had happened and also teach them how to handle the situation
my gal is a kind and she is a sentimental person.... however, sonny is not so.. he gave me a stern note that he will not allow this happen and will at all times, to protect the sister.... Suddenly.. i just feel that my son has grown up..and he is taking up role of a man, to protect his household... i am very glad and relieved...

yes, my kids have indeed grown up.., sensible and mature..
my greatest fear is over, at least for now....thank God for his mercy and grace... what happen next, no one knows really.. but i want to trust God that He will put things right in His time... even though what our flesh eyes sees is so unfair and unjustice to all of us...

happy CNY 2009 - 又过新年

因着神的爱和包容, 我们才可以喜乐在一起.

Its Christmas time again....

汤圆, 吃了有缘有份 ^.^

汤圆 is made of glutinous flour with a little stuffed ingredients in the centre.. like red bean paste and sesame paste.. i love the sesame, it gives out a strong taste and aroma...

there was this saying... 汤圆, 汤圆, 吃了有缘有份.. meaning, after eating this, you will be have a good relationship with others...

i have made a pot of this 汤圆 for my friends coming over for Christmas' eve dinner tonight ...... ^.^

Retribution ....抱应

Is there retribution in our christian faith? Thats 抱应 !!

I guess not right, because our God is a God of LOVE and full of mercy.

Even if a person kills, steals, done so much wrongs and ruined the lives of others... there is no retribution for him if he believes in God, am i right?

Temptation and discipline

With two lonely hearts in a foreign land, the temptation of lust is so prevalent...

But i thank God for i am sober enough and ran away from it. Knowing i cannot make the mistake i have made twenty-eight years ago that led marriage to be a obligation instead of love... And sure enough, after two decades, finally it screwed up.... and two innocent lives ended in the name of a 'broken home' in the society....

However, i still need to thank God for all that had happened.. For He disciplined me and provided the discernment for all things... especially when i am on the road, where the temptation of being folly is right in front of your door steps......

I pray that God watch and make me strong, trusting Him in all things, and the scar in my life will continue to tell me not to repeat the mistake i have done......

And here, the words in Hebrews 12:10-13 ....

"He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed"

Lord, thank you for You have strengthened me much with these words..... Amen

Life is a preparation for eternity.

The take over come with a new name, new department and a new boss.. These few months, i have seen a lot of politics going on in the working place. Everyone is trying to protect his job scope and rice bowl in that sense.... People come out from nowhere just want to know what the hell we are doing and want to get involve too..... All these things really making me mentally exhausted....

But today, i come to read about this written by Rick Warren:
When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realise that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start living in light of eternity, and that will color how you handle every relationship, task and circumstance.

Suddenly, i just feel so light. Light in the sense that the author reminded me what am i here for. Yes, life is a preparation for eternity that God has already made HIs plans long long ago....

I just feel that everything will be alright, while the politicalling still going on and i am sure that will stay... i just know its going to be alright. God is watching how i will handle all tasks coming forth and He is there to help me....

Dear Lord,
I thank you this morning, You have given me your assurance that You are there no matter what is going on around me. I am weak, tired, mentally exhausted in this office. But i am sure i am still here for a purpose. A purpose doing Your will in all the things that in my hands. Lord, i ask for Your strength and wisdom this morning to help me in all the tasks that forth coming....And Lord, i thank you for the eternity that You have done for us............. Amen

Something about Faith

Faith is a deep dark hole. There is no bottom. You can only go deeper and found yourself nowhere.... or go back where u have started.. There is no resting point for the path of faith...

Timmy's 15th birthday

Yesterday was timmy's 15th birthdae... We celebrated his birthdae at home as this birthday was a special one.... It was the lunar date met up with the English calendar date..

Tim is now the tallest guy at home.. At a present height of 1.63m, is not good enough for him, he is targetting a 1.7m.. I was told that this was the ideal height for a man.. Hopefully by playing more basketballs will make him taller..

As he grows, he resembles so much of his father in many ways.. I thank God, though in a fatherless home, he grows up without any femininity.... This was once a concern for me, but surely now it was over.....

Special 'hong baos'

Look at these 'hong baos'!! They were from val and tim over the last three years....
i just could not take my eyes off from this photo...

Indeed, many good things are worth to keep despite in this fallen world....

Our doting grandma

This is the best photograph that i have taken during the first day of CNY. Val and Tim with with their paternal grandma ... i have a photo of them, ten years back, also taken in CNY.... when grandma was strong and energetic.

i thank God for her, for she dotes us so much even though i am no longer her daughter-in-law. Visiting her at this kind of occasion is always a struggle for me. But i know she wants to see my kids... i have told my children we will continue to attend this kind of gatherings, until one day..... we know it is not approporiate to do so....

When i think of this...my tears roll uncontrollably.....

Daunting weekend....

Saturday medical check up left me daunting over the weekend. The report review showed that i have a heart problem. In the midst of seeking second opinion this week, alot of questions surface and i start pondering.....

The first thing in my head was i dont want to die... i have my kids to raise, my dogs depend on me.... I have not found someone who love me and willing to be a partner for the rest of life.... i have not met my maple friends... my good buddies that play the game together.... i have not care enough for my mum..... there are many things i have not done and they are many more questons..... but all without answers.....

Happy Birthday, Jesus

As usual, we have our Christmas gathering yesterday. All my sisters are not believers, but they do enjoy Christmas very much. It is a time of spending the day together, with food - of course, and catching up with one another on the majong table. As for all my nieces and nephews, they look forward to have their Christmas presents from all the aunties... All of them love Christmas, and i hope one day they know that a precious gift waiting for them - thats our Jesus, a King is born in a humble status who identifies Himself with us......

For me, i still cannot thank God enough for His provision all this while... Looking at my older newphews helping me to mount the newly bought dryer onto the wall, i prayed and thank God again for them. Help is always there for me when i needed it.
God has been faithful and i must learn to trust HIM even more......

Happy Birthday, Jesus
I am so glad its Christmas,
All the tinsel and lights
The presents are nice,
But the real gift is You...

Dear Jesus, You are the ever best gift i have received in my life.....

Finally, prayered answered

Finally, the day has come. The years of tormenting, tears and hope can come to a closure with this slippage.....

My prayers is answered eventually, but with disappointment.... However, i was relief in some ways.... Its like its time to let it go, totally..... no more hope, no more tears.... put it all down and continue my lonely journey.

Shepherd of my soul

"Shepherd of my soul I give you full control.. Where ever you may lead I will follow I have made a choice To listen to your voice... Where ever You may lead I will go...."

Tomorrow will be my 44th birthday. I am little scared actually. My eyesight is failing, thats the most prominent sign of aging. I cannot even read the newspaper without my glasses these days. Career uncertainty. There is no direction now in the midst of the takeover. i really do not know about tomorrow.. And most of all, i am afraid of being lonely......

But this song reminded me once again to give God all my fears and anxieties....

Dear Lord,

I must admit sometimes, i fear for nothing. Knowing that You are a God of all creation. Knowing that You know how many strands of hair i have, yet i still fret over all these things... Lord, i am weak these days, very. The surrounding circumstances scare me off terribly. Lord, i ask that You provide me the strength, widsom and discerning for all the things around me. Guide and lead me the way You want me to be... I truly believe all things happening for a reason... I give you the control of my life................Amen

HE Provide

Two days here in Shanghai to train the branch colleagues on the new trading application. Hiccups here and there, but was resolved finally.

And this morning, i worship our Lord, God with this song........

"When the ocean rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storms.
Father you are King over the flood, i will be still and know You are GOD"


Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing me here to see Your Powers again.... Thank you Lord, for giving me a calm spirit when problem arises and Your provision for all the things that i have worked in this place....

Lord, this morning, i ask and pray that you continue to guide and lead me in he coming meetings... Not by my might, but the power of your Holy Spirit that provide the wisdom for me in all things.......Amen

爱你需要勇气

我要永永远远来爱你
我要永永远远渴慕你
你的爱最美
叫我不阻想念你
只愿与你
面对面


Dear Lord,
I long to see your face, loving you need a lot of courage but i am weak sometimes....
Loving You is to see more of You then me...........
Lord, I want to see You more, ONLY YOU can keep me pure...

Beary special mom

Another Mother's Day, cannot thank God enough for them. Although growing up pain is inevitable, but I believe and trust God is there and will will help us.

Ah gal is sweet sixteen this year. A single parent home has made her even more mature compare those who are of the same age. She will be sitting for her O levels soon and i see that she is studying hard. I pray that God will guide her in her studies, not only that, but also in her relationships with the other gender.

Very anxious mum indeed. But i just have and need to continue to trust HIM and keep reminding myself of His words :-

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgivings, present your requests to God"........... Philippians 4:5-7

Dear Lord,

I give You thanks again for these children. Indeed, they are growing up and i understand growing up pain is inevitable... But God, i need the wisdom, to guide them into young adults... Lord, help me in this area so that i can guide the way You want them to be..... Lord, please provide with the discernment over relationships and in all things that come along................... Amen

Coming Home

He lost so much weight. A 1.8m man, he looks even much taller with his slim figure to me..... I dont even recognise him for a moment. He was there, first time in our church..... He has been through a lot of set backs - finance, family, relationships etc etc..... Tonight, he came before the Lord.....

Looking at him, i thank God for bringing him to His house this evening.... This brother's presence reminded me a Chinese worship song and my favourite too :-

耶稣能够叫一切都更新
耶稣能够体会你的心情
耶稣能够改变你的曾经
耶穌爱你 耶稣疼你
耶稣能造一个全新的你

Yes, only Jesus is able to make all things new and in of verse, He say:-

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." ... Matthew 11:28

Indeed, only in HIM, we find absolute peace and rest...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing this long lost brother back. I pray that this brother will continue to seek You. For You are the only One able to help him in all aspects.... Lord, strengthen this brother when he is weak.. bless his work through his hands, help him with his finances and provide him with discernment over his relationships.............................................Amen