爱你需要勇气

我要永永远远来爱你
我要永永远远渴慕你
你的爱最美
叫我不阻想念你
只愿与你
面对面


Dear Lord,
I long to see your face, loving you need a lot of courage but i am weak sometimes....
Loving You is to see more of You then me...........
Lord, I want to see You more, ONLY YOU can keep me pure...

Beary special mom

Another Mother's Day, cannot thank God enough for them. Although growing up pain is inevitable, but I believe and trust God is there and will will help us.

Ah gal is sweet sixteen this year. A single parent home has made her even more mature compare those who are of the same age. She will be sitting for her O levels soon and i see that she is studying hard. I pray that God will guide her in her studies, not only that, but also in her relationships with the other gender.

Very anxious mum indeed. But i just have and need to continue to trust HIM and keep reminding myself of His words :-

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgivings, present your requests to God"........... Philippians 4:5-7

Dear Lord,

I give You thanks again for these children. Indeed, they are growing up and i understand growing up pain is inevitable... But God, i need the wisdom, to guide them into young adults... Lord, help me in this area so that i can guide the way You want them to be..... Lord, please provide with the discernment over relationships and in all things that come along................... Amen

Coming Home

He lost so much weight. A 1.8m man, he looks even much taller with his slim figure to me..... I dont even recognise him for a moment. He was there, first time in our church..... He has been through a lot of set backs - finance, family, relationships etc etc..... Tonight, he came before the Lord.....

Looking at him, i thank God for bringing him to His house this evening.... This brother's presence reminded me a Chinese worship song and my favourite too :-

耶稣能够叫一切都更新
耶稣能够体会你的心情
耶稣能够改变你的曾经
耶穌爱你 耶稣疼你
耶稣能造一个全新的你

Yes, only Jesus is able to make all things new and in of verse, He say:-

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." ... Matthew 11:28

Indeed, only in HIM, we find absolute peace and rest...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing this long lost brother back. I pray that this brother will continue to seek You. For You are the only One able to help him in all aspects.... Lord, strengthen this brother when he is weak.. bless his work through his hands, help him with his finances and provide him with discernment over his relationships.............................................Amen

His timing for a purpose

A week in Jakarta again. Praise the Lord, the project go live without any more significant issues.

i give thanks to God for all these. Truly trust His timing and decision on all things. This stand still in end March has actually given me the opportunity to learn in depth of another application. i don't think i will get this chance back home. The knowledge in this area indeed given a better understanding and it really helped in my future of similar projects.

Trust that this week, will be my last visit on this project to Jakarta office.

Dear Lord,
I give you thanks for the project finally gone live.. And i thank You for sending brothers and sisters to pray for me. Those that don't really know you have also given me a word of encouragement.....I was touched by the concern and love.... I pray that they will come to know you one day, that You are the almighty God who have delivered me.....who had did wonders and miracles beyond human comprehension.... Lord, strengthen me these days for i am easily weakened ... May your Holy Spirit be my guide and lead me in your righteous ways.............Amen

Defeated soldier

Today, i was like a veteran soldier defeated awfully...

The project suppose to kick off but is stand still now and dont know what to do here in Jakarta for the rest of the week. Very depressed - physically, mentally tired also.

I really want to go home. I miss my children and dogs badly today...

Forgiveness

This morning, i received a mail from a church friend.

The mail was about a young woman who has a bad past wanting to marry the pastor's son. And that created some tensions and arguments within the church members. Finally, the pastor's son spoke and here was his statement:-

"My fiance's past is not what is on trial here.
What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin.
Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial.
So, does it wash away sin or not?"

Indeed, i agreed with the writer that, we bring up the past as a weapon against our brothers and sisters ----- forgetting our sins, big or small ones, were forgiven by the Blood of Jesus.

And knowing through HIM, we are forgiven, i think to learn to forgive ourselves is also important. i remembered there was a stage, i could not forgive myself for those things that i have done in my past. Life was without joy, even though i knew Jesus has forgiven me as i repented..

Learning to forgive myself and put the past before Jesus is a on going process for me. Each time, when i think about the bad past, i will say a prayer, that this was past, the Lord has forgiven you, and you need to forgive yourself and not to make this mistake again.. Knowing God loves you and doing right in His eyes, will bring joy and peace into your life.....

I cannot thank God enough for His forgiveness and kindness....

Give thanks

Have been in Jakarta this week for a project, but my heart was not there to work.

I was rather down about the payout for the last year. Having worked all year round, taking care of two desks work, all i got was my performance was not up to expectations.

I cried UNFAIR. But again, what is fair in this world??

A colleague came to join me yesterday. I think God has planned him to be with me. As dinner served on the table, he gave thanks. His long prayers of giving thanks reminded me this verse :-

1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

Tears filled my eyes. Though there are many heavy stuff need to be fixed in the house, bills to pay, provision for my gal to junior colleague this year, I choose to believe God to take care of these accordingly. I need to do what is right in God perspective, pray unceasingly and give thanks in all things....

Choose to LOVE

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no more hurts, but only more love" ...... By Mother Theresa

14th Feb, Valentine's day. Guess what,four years passed, however, when i think of him, sadness looms in. But i still choose to love. Only then, there is hope to be loved and life is more meaningful when one take the first step to love.

Love the stages of life that i am going through now, love my God that He has done countless things for me, love my children and my furbies, always beside and supporting whatever i do.... Love my friends who are always given me much encouragement...

And most of all, love those that don't reciprocate your love. Love is freely given. You cannot ask, beg or even buy. Love sometimes hurt, but it only tell you that you are alive with flesh and blood...

"And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"
1 Corinthians 13:13

Happy Valentine's Day to all who choose to LOVE

Strength and Love from HIM

Sunday morning in Delhi. All alone, worshipping God..

This worship song playing... "Nothing compare to this place, where i can see You face to face, I worship You in spirit and in truth...."
The TAWG is long overdue....

And when i read the verse of the day, it says

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble"... Psalm 59:16

This is what exactly i feel now. With God alone, I felt i am so loved. Yes, physically, i am so much alone - always a lone ranger. Like a vagabond in the desert.. But i know i have another set of footprints walking with me...i am not alone. The state of mind was not alone, but with HIM, where i find strength, where peace and happiness follows.....

Dear Lord,

Recent travels have taken me from home much... But I give thanks for these frequent short trips have been given me a breather also - especially away from the office day in day out stuff... Lord, thank you for loving me in Your ways.. And just like what the verse says... i will sing of Your strength and love in the morning. For Your strength make my mind sober and calm, and Your Love make me whole..

Lord, i ask for forgiveness if i have done things against Your will and i want to be reminded again, to trust YOU in all things... Lord, i ask for protection this morning, especially for my children while i am away. Let your guiding angels be with them always........Thank you for loving me so real... Amen

A wish come true

Taj Mahal

Once was a wishful thought to visit the seven wonders of the world, but it came true for one of them...

Recent business trip has given me a opportunity to visit this magnificent building - Taj Mahal. All alone by myself in a taxi ride of four hours from Delhi to Agra was fearful. But i just did not want to miss this chance.

Looking at this awesome building, so much human labour and lives spent on it. I could not imagine how deep is the love from the King to his wife and the sufferings of those craftmens. Twenty-two years of building this monument for one's love and pain from others - unbelievable. However, it was a memorable trip.

Last day of the year!

With many unfortnate events in this later part of the year, i closed my chapter of 2006.

Bad and unfortunate things happened to good faithful people of God. Heart hardened ones are prospering in all aspects. It just keep me thinking, is my faith got backfired?

Much disappointments in myself and in God! I feel myself running out of steam for this year. I was exhausted.

Tonight watchnight service has given me a outburst of prayers. I have been surpressed for too long, just too long. Too many questions, too many doubts, i just poured out to HIM.

Dear Lord,
You see many things happening down here. Good faithful people of Yours going through very difficult times. i know You have Your divine plans for all these. But my heart still pounding with pain. God, i cried foul play! God, i cried that You are unfair! How can you allow it to happen! But all these showed me one thing - the faith that these peole have in YOU! They are Jobs in the modern world. Lord, i pray and believe You are going to bless them many many folds at the end of the day. Just like Job in the bible.

A new year, a new beginning, Lord, renew my love and restore my life in You ! Amen

A little birthday card

"The Lord who walked with you in your yesterdays, will walk with you through today and all your tomorrows"... the words were written neatly on the card that my children given me.

Today, i passed my 43rd mark. Looking the this little card, i cannot thank God enough for these children. The Lord must have trusted me so much with the role of a mother, to bestow me with His blessings.

Never have i thought of raising the children single handedly. But i am now and God continue to trust me with this precious motherhood. ...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the trust You have on me. Thank you for putting Your blessings into my hands. i feel weak and lost sometimes, how to raise these children normally as a single parent..... But you have said that.. i am the father of the fatherless, a defender of the widows.. Lord, I choose to trust Your words as much as You have trusted me with the children.... As the words on the litte card, You have walked me yesterday, and will continue to walk through with me today and all my tomorrows..... Lord, may Your words and promises sustained and keep me going on as i know all my tomorrows are in Your mighty hands........ Amen

Maternal Instinct

The puppies are two weeks old. They doubled the size now compared the evey day borned.

The maternal instinct of Baby, my Shih-Tzu, amazed me also. Being such a young age (this June, then she turns one year old) she is able to attend to her pups' need. Feeding and cleaning them regularly.

That make me think how much more we, as human mothers can do and have done to our children. Many stories were told about mothers who have done great stuff for their children. However, they were also many sad stories that as the female gender, we have done terrible things to our youngs for many unforseen reasons or circumstances.....

Indeed, our children are at our mercy. These were the words a sister told me while I was ranting how my children upset me some time ago. And I have also realised that my words hurt them much also. They are defendless, they are at my mercy at this point of time, at this stage of their young lives.....

Mother's day, a day to reflect how can I be a better person, a better mum to my children...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this maternal instinct that You have given me. But sometimes, I mis-use it. Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness. As this day's reflection, I ask the Lord for guidance, to be a better person, a better mum for my children. I commit all my pain, hurts and struggles as a single parent to You. That Lord, You are the only one know whats going on and all the answers... Lord, as the society see us a broken home.. but in You, we are whole... Help me to live in Your grace and be strong in it in all things on this earth.. Guide me and my children with your loving kindness, that endures forever and ever....... Amen!

Be of good courage

This morning TAWG again, cannot thank HIM enough seeing me through March.

It was a difficult month soldiering through the task in the new job scope.
But God is good and faithful. He saw me through time and time again......

As I read this Psalm 31:24.."Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord".. tears roll in my eyes.. I strongly believe nothing will come to me unless it passed through our heavenly Father's hands.. All I need is to take heart, be of good courage and wait upon HIM for directions....

Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for Your words. Indeed, again it strengthen my weak heart...Guide and lead me in Your ways these days.. Teach me to be patient and wise in all things..... Lord, thank you for loving me.... Amen

Rich in Time

He left this place for all the reasons he have. Looking for a place to restart his life. Looking for a place that fresh air is available.

Now in this green pasture, although the standard of living is not as good as before, life is simple and much organized........

Indeed, living with less, a simple life - is the most happiest life, I suppose.

With the pace of life is much slower, he managed to try new things that he got no time to do it here... I envy him in some ways. He is a rich man now, not in terms of dollar and cents, but the time that he has...

Today, I say a pray for this brother, asking God to guide and teach him to make full use of the time that he has now. While trying to carve a niche in life, take this opportunity of having the time, to know God and His awesome creations...

Jelly Baby

Jelly Baby

Isn't she pretty? This furby has been a great accompany to me!

Praise the Lord for HIS provision for this lone ranger!

Holding unto HIM

Finally, all dust seems to settled.

The legal stuff of the flat is in the progress with a positive note. A new job scope in the work place has been keeping me busy and away from the current situation.

And I cannot thank God enough for all these provisions.....

And this verse just appear in my mind :-

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you,
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you............... Isaiah 43:2

Indeed, the only way to keep me alive and working against all odds, is to
continue to believe and want to believe that God is here to bless. Even when things unpleasant, I still choose to believe that there is something meant well for me to learn and understand what God wants from me.

Dear Lord,

This is one of Your precious promises that when i pass through the waters and walk in the fire, You will be with me. I want to believe and continue to believe that You are there and never let me go no matter what happens...... Amen

Fierce Love

Tonight, I experienced the fierce love of God in 2 Peter 1:3-9

As I was running away from HIM for some reasons, I sensed His Love, a love that won't let go of me....

Dear Father,

I am too bothered with what others comments and remarks that I lost sight of You.
I sensed your Love this evening. A fierce one, fighting for Your love ones.... thats me. Thank You Lord, for Your words. They come in so timely for this dry soul of mine...... As I take this opportunity to retreat myself from this noisy world, I pray that You will reveal more to me through Your works and words. Create a bigger heart in me, compassionate and pure, to love others...... Amen

2 Peter 1:3-9
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

Blessings

A nicely wrapped sandwich was on dining table. It was so inviting. I took it up and look at it. My heart was overflew with sweetness, tears started to fill my eyes. I was so touched.

It was prepared by my gal before she left for school.

In the midst of all troubles at work, I thank God for this blessing that I received in the morning. A kind act, a kind word, a tap on the shoulder, a hello from a friend... all these, I consider, are blessings from our Heavenly Father.

Pastor's question: How do you think you are blessed?
活着就是福 - I suppose it means when you are alive, you are blessed. This was from a sister when we shared the question. Indeed, I agree with her.....

Dear Father,

I thank you for that I am alive. Alive to experience You. Alive to receive Your blessings. Alive to feel Your presence. Your inheritance is here and will surely passing on to all Your generations. Father, in the midst of all chaos, I continue to give you thanks. For I know You have made known to me the path of life, that You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand..... Amen

Lord, You are my hiding place

I walked an hour at Far East Square aimlessly during lunch time. My spirit was crashed. I could feel dryness in my body. I think my soul too.

I worked two years in this place. I have worked wholeheartedly. However, my integrity is being doubt. Never have I done anything to harm anyone. I have no words to say. I lost my confidence in this place.

As I write, tears rolling in my eyes.... As I open a browser to my favourite Bible website, I see these appear in front of me :-

Psalm 5 1-3
Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Dear Father,
Thank you for verses. These are the words that I have said to You in the morning too. I am also sure You know what is going on. I can only put more trust in You. For You can make all things possible. I need patience. Lord, teach me to wait patiently and be wise in all things......Amen