Absent presence

Last Saturday, I received a card from a sister. The words were indeed encouraging.

Lord, Give me strength
Give us Your strength, Lord.
Because sometimes things get tough, and we are ready to quit.
Give us Your love, Lord.
Because sometimes people reject us, and we are tempted to hate.
Give us Your eyes, Lord.
Because sometimes life get dark, and we lose our way.
Give us Your courage, Lord.
Becaused often we are put under pressure, and it's hard to do what is right.
Give us Yourself, Lord.
Because our hearts were made for You, and we will not rest until we rest in You.

Thank you God, for this sister's love. Guess missing a couple of service, my absence was a kind of presence to her.

While writing this 'absence is present', it reminded me someone. His absence is always present to me. Hope these words, not only encourages me but this person too, and those who read it.

Worker ants who are willing

Taking off for whole of next week. I really need that break.

However, things are diffcult. But I need to thank God still, for He has providing help in the midst of all. I am just one of the worker ant. There are many still, who are willing.

In the midst to getting help, I recall this verse in the Amplified version:

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you"

Dear Lord,
Yes, be a good cheer even in times of adversity. Lord, thank you for this verse. I really find strength and comfort in them.. Lord, bless those who are willing to walk extra mile in helping me.... Amen!

Time to let go

The grinning simle on his face was so satisfying. Thanks to the lego set that he just bought. It was a ship model and come with a sea serpent. He could not wait to fix it.

He started to play these blocks at the age of 9 months. Just when the time he was able to sit up properly. I dumped him these blocks to keep him occupied so that I could do other things. He could sit for hours with them. Indeed, this boy grew up with these building blocks.

Even now, the love of this blocks did not stop. He saves his pocket monies for it. Looking at him, fixing his new toy, I know he has grew up. His voice is breaking. He sounds husky. And he is looking forward to grow taller than me. Well, cannot deny I am the shortie now. Guess,it is time to let go, slowly but surely. This young man need to learn to handle matters more independently, make decisions in the right attitude, and Godly ways.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this blessing. In the midst of all chaos, I want to give thanks still. I know Father, You know all things and how much we have gone through. Dear Lord, You are the Father to him and my gal now. Though, both of them may not know how to love you, but they cannot deny that You are there, watching all of us. I pray these days that You provide me the wisdom to deal with these growing ups. Teach me when the time to let go and the time to discipline. Lord, help me to guide them in godly ways. Show me how to love them in the liberating manner so to free them the way they want to be....I release both of my children onto Your hands... Amen

Mercy and grace

December, what a month that full of season's greetings. Christmas songs continously playing in the shopping malls. Where ever you go, dressed up Xmas's trees just telling you is Christmas time. However, all these appearances do not help me to enjoy this end of the year.

This month, I experience the most spiritual dryness in my entire five years Christian life. Work, relationships, finances, legal stuff have been giving me a bit of problem. Even the roof over me and my children's head, has been giving me trouble too.

This is the most difficult time I suppose, for this year. I start asking. Where are you, God? Did You hear my prayers? I ask myself, have I lose my faith? Is my heart turning cold? The more I want to believe, the more I doubt. What happen? Have I succumbed to the environment and circumstances that I start doubting God?

Its seems that the more I want to talk about faith, the more I got tested. I am afraid and tired. But then, who can I go to? There is no one, except the Heavenly Father, who is just watching all the earth that He has created.

The earth that He has created for good, the earth that has fallen, and one day He will be sure to restore it back to the original. This reminded me that I have read from a book: Life is difficult, God is merciful, Heaven is sure.

Dear Lord,
Although what I am going through may just little things in Your creation and plans. But I still want to ask for Your mercy and grace to spare me and my children. Forgive me when I doubt, forgive me when I see things more than You. Father, I don't know what to say, I really don't know what to pray now. All I can ask is Your mercy and your grace....... Amen!

He is there

As I am going through a dry patch in my spiritual life in the the midst disappointments and frustrations... I read this, I cannot agree more with the writer....

Henri Nouwen :
"Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as a clear cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, ther is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge surrounding darkness..... But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us"

Lord, I believe and want to believe. To hang on for what God already pre-commit, promising a future and eternal life. For Your Love remains forever and Your Promises never ever failed! Amen!

I believe

I believe in the sun
even when it isn't shining
I believe in love
even when I am alone
I believe in God
even when He is silent

I believe and I want to believe....

Jesus is my Boss

Feeling very depressed over the meeting last evening. Indeed, in this secular world, it is not what you are good at or what you can do, but who are you working with. The power struggle is so prevalent, epecially in my working place.

As I asked God for guidance in some matters, I bumped into this verse on the daily manna website :-

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers".......... Psalm 1:1-3 NIV

Indeed, these verses again promises and the way of life God want me to live. Blessings come with obedience, that it is. Doing what is right in God's eyes and pleasing Him, blessings will never fall short from the most high God.

Dear God,
You are my boss. Ultimately, I am reporting to you and no body else. You know the situation right down here, where office politics, power struggle is so prevalent. Lord, empower me with Your wisdom in dealing all matters here. Help me to use the correct text when writing. Teach me these days in relying more on You than anything else.. I ask for Your mercy, grace, strength and Your provisions... In Jesus's name, I pray...... Amen

A warrior in Maple Story

Recently, I am hooked onto a online game - Maple Story. You need to create your desired character and fight through to obtain the levels.

I am a warrior in this game. I think I am one of the oldest gamer. They may be many more. It just that on one will know who are you, age or even sex, etc etc. All the personal information is based on the character you created.

I would say most of the gamers are children. It was the language they use is funny. I need to take some time to understand what they are talking about. Being new player in this game, I was not sure about the keys I need to hit. They are some dishonest players in the game who took my stuff when I dropped them accidentally. No one owed up when I ask them to return.

My son is my guide in this game. He helps me along the way like what level to use what weapons. He comments was "Mum, this is a real world. Be realistic, people will take advantage on you if you are careless, or try to be nice."

His remarks scared me. At the age of twelve, he realized how the 'real' world is through a game. The 'KS - kia soo' mentality has deeply implanted into these young minds. I hope through this game, our mother and son's relationship is closer and also to impart the correct principal and values in life to him. The way of life that God want us to be - a upright, honest, kind and generous person.

Persevere against all odds

The speedy recovery of mum's condition is a mircale to me. Doctors given six months for her to recover. But she took less than 3 months. Our prayers answered. However, she believed in her gods and godessess worked.

I always find difficulties to evangelise to those who know me. One of the remarks would be: If your Jesus is so good, why He did not fix your marriage? why He allow your children to be fatherless? I have no answers for them. But I do know God has not finished His work with me and He is still working, in me and my children.

When I recalled all these remarks, a word came to me. Perseverance. Perservance against all odds. Perseverance in my faith in Jesus, continue to believe, trust that He will deliver me and my children in all matters and circumstances.

In James 1:12 'Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

I believe He promises is overflowing for those who persevere in believing and trusting Him in all difficult situations.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for Your word this afternoon. Thank you for my mum's conditions. Indeed, she is very much better now. I dont know how to love her or communicate with her better. I really dont know. But I do want her to be well. I am discouraged some times. Lord, You are aware my desire of my hearts. I commit and surrender all of them to You. You take care of them Lord...... Amen

Heap of burning coals

This morning, I received a devotion note....

Romans 12:20 - "If you enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give me something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

A verse in Proverbs 25:21-22 :
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head:..

These words - heap of burning coals have kept me thinking for the day.
Tonight, I turned to my study bible for these words...

The above commands sounds almost impossible. Why Paul commanded it? In this study bible, forgiveness is the key to above verses. It said, when someone hurts you deeply, instead of giving him what he deserves, befriend him. Forgiveness may break a cycle of retailation and lead to mutual reconciliation. It may make the enemy feel ashamed and change his or her ways. By contrast, repaying evil to evil hurts you just as much as it hurts your enemy. Even if you enemy never repents, forgving him or her will free you of a heavy load of bitterness. Lastly forgiveness involve both attitudes and actions. Appropriate actions may send a signal of restoration of relationship and lead to right feelings....

Dear Lord,
Thank you for your words tonight. I ask for your forgiveness that I have judged people over their testimonies who glorify themselves more than glorifying You. Lord, forgive me and help me to have a forgiving spirit too. Heaps of burning coals not only telling me about forgiveness, it also tell me about kindness.. Lord, help me to simle and keep my spirit quiet for the least when I am with some unpleasant people.... Lord, help me and teach me Your ways to have a right attitudes and actions in all relationship matters...... Amen

A star upon the dark sky

Last night, there was a star upon the dark clear sky. It shone extremely bright. It was also motionless, compared to the rest of them that twinkled away.

When I looked at this star, I just felt the sense of peace. Peace from the most high God. Just when the road became too rough, when I was crying out for love, when I was and even now weathering with loneliness, when peace could not be found. God sent this star for me to take notice. All of His goodness, promises once again revealed ........

I ran deep into my thoughts while looking at the star. All events happened - When prayers answered, I leap with joy. When mistake was made, I faced the consequences. With real repentance, I seek God's forgiveness. Once again, I received His healing, I received His loving kindness..

And this verses from Hebrews 13:5-6 'Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake You. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid'.... these words from God assured me much...

Dear Lord,
Again, You have strengthened my weak heart. Thank you God, for the star upon the awesome sky. It is so comforting. Lord, I know there are many questions with no answers. Help me to focus onto You and not these questions. Reveal to me what do You want me to do for You and guide me into Your will...... Amen

Finding hope in this confusing world

"Though the fig trees does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights"...............Habakuk 3:17-19

My spirit is low today, whole of today. Things happened at home, work, relationships.... I just felt weak today. I wished I would cry, guess I would feel better. But the eyes were just so dry to tear. All that I could say was life is difficult and extremely unfair....

Tonight TAWG, come to this verses. Indeed these words strengthened me much. When nothing make sense, and when troubles seem more than I can bear, God reminded me that He is there to give me strength and my tears started to roll in my eyes.......

Dear Father,
Thank you for the words tonight. Lord, help me to have Habakuk's mindset, that is not controlled by th events happening around but by faith to draw strength from You.
Lord, help me to take off my difficulties and to look in You for confidence in these times.. Confident in You that You are the Sovereign God who will do what is right and give me hope in this confusing world...................Amen

Realise His plan and purpose

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."..............2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Watching my girl paced up and down while talking to a friend, I just felt that the caller was in some kind of trouble. Indeed, she ran away from home after a row with her mum. After a long chat on the phone, the friend agreed to come up to our place. The girls spent the whole evening in the room.

Not sure of what they have talked for it was not good for me to interupt. However, she told me she felt much better and thanked me for allowing her to come before she left for home.

I really thanked God that my girl has reached out for this friend. It was like a history re-played when she has that experience couple of months ago. She received care and concern from a church sister in time of need. Tonight, she showed the same to this friend.

Through this, I just felt that God has prepared my girl her for this event. Indeed, God has granted my girl wisdom and compassion and she used it diligently.

Dear Lord,

I thank you for all these work in my girl's life. Surely, there are more things to accomplish for You through her. Lord, grant her more wisdom, compassion and patience so that she can exercise effectively to help those in time of need.... Amen

Jesus, His Selflessness

Just could not hold back my tears on the video clip, even for the second viewing.

Looking at these children and their conditions, my heart aches. And look at some of our children here, that's including myself, so pampered and blessed in a way. Yet, full of wants and complaints....

I may have a lot problems, but still cannot compare to those people living in that devastated conditions and below the poverty line.. Too focus to myself and my problems, I have nelgected there are much more things to do for the Lord and for His people....

Dear Father,

Thank you for the video clip. It waken me. Lord, forgive my selfishness as I surrender all my fears and complaints into Your hands. Lord, I pray for those people in that video clip, that You grant them mercy and provide the needs for them. Lord, I thank You for the opened door. Help me and teach me to work more effectively for Your kingdom.. Guide me to be more like Your Son, Jesus, in HIs selflessness, His compassion towards others.......... Amen

Heaven is sure

Tonight, mom told me that the place for her urn already expired in the temple. We need to buy a another place for her to put her together with pa.
I told her, "Mom, go heaven with me. If you go first, wait for me. I will be with you one day. If I go first, I will wait for you to come."
Mom said, "How sure do you know there is heaven?"
I said, "The Bible told us about this wonderful place God prepare for us."
Mom said, "I have done good this life. Surely next life will be of a good one. No need to suffer so much like before."
I said, "Mom, why do you need reincarnation. No matter how good will be next life, There will still be misery, pain and tears. God promised us this place where there is no more death or mourning or crying or pain."

I have to trust God that this place is there. I will sure be there one day to see God's glory and His face. I have to stand firm in my belief that Christ come, He died and resurrected for my sake.
I need this kind of strong faith to know heaven is sure.

"By the gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain." .................1 Corinthians 15:2

Oh dear Lord,
Life is difficult. You are merciful and Heaven is sure. Thank you for your promise of this place that prepare for me. Tonight, I pray and ask for this faith, a gift from You and a skill to learn. Lord, teach me to exercise it effectively for Your kingdom. Lord, as I write this, I teared. I want to tell Mom heaven is a sure thing. Help me, teach me and guide me..........Amen

My frown lines

I think this month I have more frown lines above my eye brows.

Mom's deep resentment towards her past relationships is taking her to depression. The continuously fretting over her well being is not doing any good to herself as well.

At times, I am just lost. I don't know what to tell or counsel her. Indeed, tonight I come before the Wonderful Counselor and tell Him my needs.....

Dear Lord,

I don't know what to do. I can only commit mum into Your hands. Lord, help me with my tongue. When I speak to her, I pray that words coming out are to strengthen her spirit. Lord, I pray that You ease her pain on her joints. Your healing power to be ministered to her and make her feel better. Let her see that there is hope. A hope that is from You. Amen.

Broken but made whole

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." ... John 14:27

This was the first bible verse accompanied her as she walked through the valley of darkness in her life. Mountains of problems, she dealt one at time with prayers to our Father. Pains and hurts, she put them at the feet of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Life was transformed. From a quiet reserved person, she has become cheerful and outgoing. Her eyes sparkled every time when she speaks about our God. She found the meaning of living. She finds love by loving and serving others. She finds healing and strength through the words of God. She finds hope in our Lord, Jesus Christ.

In her, I saw brokenness being made whole through the hands of our God!

A new lease of life

A Bible in his hands, that was all he has in those lonely years. These quiet times has provided a opportunity for him to know God. A God that is full of love and compassion. A God that given him a gift of salvation. A God has given him a second life - a second chance.

With this renewal, he now realize what is most important in life. Beside God, nothing is more important to be with family. Life was totally changed. From a night adventurer, he has become a family man. Money is still not enough at times, but he choose to do right for God. To trust God will provide all that he needed for him and his family.

Surely, when repentance is real and forgiveness has been given by the Lord, He may also grant His grace for new beginnings...

This reminded me a verse in 1 Peter 5:10-11
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

To whom shall we go?

The plane circled more than two hours in the air of L.A. The pilots were dumping the fuel in the Pacific to lighten the plane for an emergency landing. I could not imagine or explain the passengers' anxiety over their safety on that plane.

The fear of death just right at the door step. Eyes glued on the CNN news with the plane from air to land. It was a remarkable landing of the plane. I thank God for His mercy, grace and strength for these people to go through this ordeal.

The whole episode kept me thinking - There is no one to turn to, only God himself at that very point of uncertainty. I believed not only the bystander like me praying for them, they themselves prayed as well. This event surely left a big mark in their heart - believers and unbelievers...

Another awakening, may more souls be saved in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

Real sense of kinship

It was just like those days, where everyone came to my small place, gather together for dinner and a few games of mahjong.

Mum was happy and her appetite was good too. Their presence is important to her. She always look forward to weekend where she sees her all her daughters and grand children together.

Indeed, nothing is more important than being together in the family. I felt the real sense of kinship with all my sisters as mum stays with me.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for all these. Certainly it happened for a reason and for Your purpose. Lord, I continue to pray for mum. That Your healing power to be with her, heal her broken hip and help her to walk better. Lord, I pray that You help me with more of Your love, patience and also the courage to tell her more about You. I pray for her heart to open and receive You as her saviour sooner than later........ .Amen