Post birthdae SURPRISE :D

guess wat !! today, i rec a package from my maple friends (become real friends now, hehe)... a lovely foto frame and card.. really a surprise to me :D i love the frame, cos i love to collect beautiful and cute foto frames... mi foto freak actually, thats why....

and see the OTO sliming belt... the teens and sisters kup together and buy me this... they say, while i am mapling.. i can use that, hope to shake my FATS out whahahah.. ya.. better have lor.. cos, after losing 5 kilos..i cant go down anymore without exercise... :K... i let u know if this is really work !!. i give myself one month to shake this .. kekeke

and lastly,, not to forget the red lipstick.. so seductive..... :D

another birthday dinner

this evening, another birthday celebration for me and my elder BIL ^.^ we went this sakae sushi at trade hub... very nice and cozi japanese style room we have for the 12 of us..... price is reasonably and we have a good time there..... and of course.. some fotos to remember this day .... thank God for all these blessings....

celebrating with loved ones and good friends

wow,,wat a gathering i have for my birthdae today,, my 3rd and 4th sis came also...,, with cell members, my ex BIL and his son too.. ....

indeed.. a good and satisfying meal is none other than to have it with good gathering with my love ones around and my friends... .. and then follow by a good red wine.... hmmmmmm thats life in heaven...

guess, i drank too much, while writing this, i actualy felt a little tipsy....hahahah... but i am really happy... indeed, happiness is not you depend on other one to give.....but to find it within yourself...

simple gathering, simple meal with love ones... tats it,, >> simply happiness.....
thank God for all these......

Died at Mong last nite

my ah gal say me.... kiang tio ho, mai gey kiang.. i go Mong last nite, and died immediately.. lost 10% exp.. sian arrrghhhh

going church with mum

very excited indeed, the very first time, going church with mum..
as we worhsipped God together, i really thank God for his beautiful work....

i must confess, sometimes, i angry with God .. He seem to do nothing for the wrong doing one who go free and happily ever after..., leaving a mess for me to clear... .. but on the other hand, God bless me so much so much in such a way....tats my mum's salvation is done and i believe more will come to the Lord ... thats the chan sisters....

i resigned to the fate that nothing is fair in this world..sometimes, in God's world, you cannot find fairness too... but wonderful work from God .. cannot be denied... and the God we believe, is full of compassion....

mum's 80th birthdae ....

mum was just in time to disccharge from hospital to celebrate her 80th birthdae... we took her to this guilin restuarant for dim sum and chinese dishes.... she was indeed very happy.....

and i was too.... really thankful to God for watching over her.. and during this last part of journey on earth, she has received the best gift from God....

looking forward to bring her to Grace1 this saturday... my third sister is also coming with us too.... i am so so so glad...... tears want to flow liaooooo.......

Bday.. around the corner

my 46th birthday around the corner... guess what !!
my young sister say she will do a big one for me when i am 50th...
thats bring me to discotheque... and boogie all nite...to mark my half centurian day...

i ask why until 50th!!! i wan it NOW !!! she told me there are two reasons for it...
firstly, i am the next one on the line of 50th...(after my elder sis, she is 61 this year)... secondly..most of our children passed 18th by the time i am 50th... so
all can go together...

wow .. wat a planning!! but 4 more years.. very long for me leh!!

anyway..i have already started celebrating.. kbox all nite until to 3am this morning...... ^.^

arrggghhh ...going back to cell group soon.....

hmmm... agree to go back to macpherson cell mid of this month..
but i must admit that i am getting a little ......... :K

i wan to spend more time with my kids, my sisters, my mother..and my frds.. both visual and real world.....

friday... thats my movie and drinking nites with frds... honestly, i sure to bon tang one ..... pse forgive me cell leader...... or join me in movies..
^.^ :D:D:D:D

my mum's salvation is done !! halleluyah !!!

look at this lovely key chain that my mum got from Grace Assembly....
and she told me she wan to accept Christ as her personal savior today...

though she suffered badly from dementia.. but i still dont wan to take it lightly,, i prayed for her immediately.. and my dear young sister video taped it...

however, my sinner prayer is really rough in mandarin..but bottom line is, she say YES !!.....

Praise God for all his works....

last dae in mcnair road...

We have a a carnival today in the church.....this is to mark the last day that in this place.. Next month, we are moving to a new place at Paya lebar.. well, its rather far for me... sighhhh...

nevertheless, really have had a good time with friends there..i took a couple of nice fotos.... see, thats Rui, my god son... still remember vividly, that when we were very new in this church..he and timmy immed became good buddies..and one night, he said he wants to follow me home... i said,, Yes, you can..unless you call me Godma ... that it is... i am his Godma ...

really need to thank God that He provide such a good buddy to timmy and accompany us through these years

100 folds blessings... very interesting....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xHeRiwgaUc&feature=related

i found this my favourite asia one forum.... and it is quite interesting... (bear with it.. it takes 37mins to finish)..

it is not that i against prosperity or i dun wan to be prosperous.. however, when one preach that you give this $$ much and will receive $$ much more or many folds in return... then, deep inside my bones, there is something wrong with the preaching....

i was once loved to read a female author who writes very good books...but once i see her preach on the tv.. i immediately sensed soemthing is not quite right... i cannot get pass myself and concur with what she said...

i have since dumped her books .......

damn siannnnn

mum's dementia getting worse each day.... especially after she knew about
her 'ching gay' passed away..

lately she has been very suspicious over every little thing.. scolding us on the phone that we want to harm her, take away her things.. especially after her money...

at the age of 80.. should be a leading a peacful and happy life with all her daughters and grand children around her... but it dont seems to be the case...

i dont think i am coping well with her.. knowing that she is sick,, sometimes, i still raised my voice to her.. after that i felt very bad again... really dont know how to handle her...

and looking her cursing and swearing each of us ...... my heart very painful...
she is going to live in hatred until she hand over the i/c.........

爱一人

i rec'd this from a buddy...and i like this very much although it makes me tears a little... a little sad... :"(

爱一人

如果你不爱一个人,
请放手.
好让别人有机会爱她.

如果你爱的人放弃了你,
请放开自己,
好让自己有机会爱别人.

有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种 .
但别让自己为一种伤害.
有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,

爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.
男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.
女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.

如果真诚是一种伤害,
我选择谎言;
如果谎言一种伤害,
我选择沉默;
如果沉默是一种伤害,
我选择离开.

如果失去是苦，
你怕不怕付出 ,
如果迷乱是苦，
你会不会选择结束,
如果追求是苦，
你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,

如果分离是苦，
你要向谁倾诉,
好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!

meeting God during lunch......

no lunch kaki today.. so i walk around..and aimlessly walk into this Mount zion bookshop.. cant remember what i see.. i saw this 3 lines :-
glad in hope.. quiet in trouble.. and pray all the time.. Romans 12:12..

its verse 1212 ,, so easy to remember.. so back office, i go to the bible gate way to see what exactly are these verses... I search all the translations, it did not exactly match the above lines, but almost the same....

suddenly, my eyes are filled with tears... i feel God's presence so strong.... its seems He is talking to me ... lately..i cursed so much on someone,, and you know who this person is.... right now.. the words are staring at me..i feel so bad and ashame.... indeed... i should not have and will not do it again....

if i read further from verse 12 to verse 19..... tats what God telling me.. LEAVE IT TO HIM !!!! AMEN !!


12 When you hope, be joyful. When you suffer, be patient. When you pray, be faithful. 13 Share with God's people who are in need. Welcome others into your homes.

14 Bless those who hurt you. Bless them, and do not call down curses on them. 15 Be joyful with those who are joyful. Be sad with those who are sad. 16 Agree with each other. Don't be proud. Be willing to be a friend of people who aren't considered important. Don't think that you are better than others.

17 Don't pay back evil with evil. Be careful to do what everyone thinks is right. 18 If possible, live in peace with everyone. Do that as much as you can.

19 My friends, don't try to get even. Leave room for God to show his anger. It is written, "I am the One who judges people. I will pay them back,"—(Deuteronomy 32:35) says the Lord. 20 Do just the opposite. Scripture says,
"If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
By doing those things, you will pile up burning coals on their heads." —(Proverbs 25:21,22)

21 Don't let evil overcome you. Overcome evil by doing good.

life is unpredictable and vulnerable......

well.. not raally a good year its seems for 2009
i have been attended a few wakes already....

tonight, going to attend another one.... She is my sister's mother in law... we use to go genting together for a few times...

She was ill for 3 wks,,,and by the time she hospitalised, already too late.. the cancerous cell vastly spreaded to other parts of the organs.. On a life support for the past week.. her children will beside her round the clock..... we visited her last sunday and she knew who we were.. can even tell us, she was not able to see us..

turn around less than one month, we lost her... on the other hand, she suffered less ... not a bad thing afterall... :"(
gonna to miss her ... especially to genting...

life is so unpredictable and vulnerable....

Meeting for the 1st time in 30 years ! KSTS 2E1

indeed, i have had a wonderful time yesterday meeting with my sec2 gals...
some of the gals have not even met after we left school..
So, can you imagine the excitment of meeting one another for the 1st time in 30 years.. !!!

is God's grace....

Lunch time, i bumped into a old friend that i have lost contacted... Both of us were so excited as we held our hands tightly.... We are in the same ship, thats both are single mother raising our kids single-handedly......

As we are sharing our growing pain and joy of our kids...we cannot thank God enough, it is truly God's grace and mercy to provide us everything that we needed.... Indeed, looking back on those years, cant imagine how we went through the difficult moments... If its not GOD, we were both long gone.........

Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling

for the 1st time.......... i start to ...

hmmmmm for the very 1st time.. i start to like KL...
thou.. the robbery is rampant there, but i think i start to like
the food and the shopping...

KL colleagues always so hospitable... they took me to this restoran
at Jalan Alor... the fried hokkien mee with dark dark soya sauce..
damn good lor... very shiok...

and i tea house i went today.. i just love the ambience...
very chinese tables and chairs, ming dynasty kinda of porcelain utensils... and the chinese bamboo deco..with bird cages hanging around you(but without birds inside :K).... and while you savouring the piping hot dim sum... i just feel myself back into those ancient swordsmen times... just that i wear modern cloths wahahaha....

i will be back there again... KL..love the food.. really...
OMG!!!! i forgot i am on a diet programme AWWWWwwwwwwwwww :"( HOW HOW HOW !!!!

timmy's new toy.....

As promised, timmy got his new toy if he got into top 3 in class...
he is 2nd in class this semester.... he is really muscially inclined, and plays it well upon learning from the internet... this is one GOOD genes he need to keep !!

Finally... it paid off after 5 mths of discipline...

finally..the mid year exams results were out...

And Timmy did very well.. he score 9 points L1R4 ..
PoA got 86 marks..that's distinction right !!! THANKS to the tuition centre, and the teacher Mr Koh. This is a extreme make over.

Mr Koh has not only helped Timmy to turn around his marks.. and also, knowing that he is of a single parent home, he actually helped tim on other things..like behaviour, cleanliness and attitudes..... Though timmy has achieved what is targeted this half year, i believe he can still do better...

In fact, he has already made a goal to score better marks in this year end exams.....

5 months of burning off Saturday and Sunday.. paid off finally !! Of course the money i spent on the tuition was also not wasted...And here, not to forget to thank God for His provisions.. Without HIM, nothing can be done !!

i have missed Mother's day, but nvr short change :D

Finally i am back from Delhi. Tired, but a fruitful trip in meeting up with the development team there....

And a present surprise when i got home, a little card and present on my desk from my kids to wish me Happy Mother's day... Yea,, i have missed it over last weekend..... They got me a headphone for my mp3 which i always wanted. And it is in my favourite color - purple....

i always think.. if i have not been a single mum, i wonder how the kids will be growing up in a home, with a dad always out flirting and with excuses for not bringing money back and a mum always crying at home...

Indeed, i thank God for what is right now, and i trust God, He will never short change me....

Good intentions...but we are one of a kind

ah gal work 11am-10pm tonite..before she set up, i just reminded her to be alert at all times... especailly when coming home..

this reminded me that one of my good buddy suggested to get ah boy to wait for her downstairs while she returning from home... Well, i understand her good intentions...but we are one of a kind....

we are not those normal family, who has a husband or a father concern enough to go down stairs to pick up the wife or daughter on those late nites return.. . we just dont have this kind of privilege, and we must learn to live up with our conditions....we are on our own, very much alone.......

Though is a good suggestion to get ah boy to pick up her, but how many times, how many nites he can do it... so we decided to have a small family discussion over this.... and we all agreed one need to be alert and careful when we are back alone... and we must learn to take care ourselves at all times, and in all situations....

We must also believe there is a pair of invisiable eyes that watching over us.. but we have to do our part to protect ourselves first..
for gals, not to wear too prevailing... and boys not to be flashy with his toys. >> handphone, ipod etc...

well, i apply these when i travel alone durinng my assignment.. anyone to protect me , to pick up now and then.. NO ONE!! NONE !! I AM ALL ALONE !!! just have to trust God to protect.... so are my kids... they are not normal kids..... they are one of a kind that grow up much more stronger and versatile compare to those in normal happy family kinda.....

Hidden fear is gone .... at least for now

As my kids grown up... i hv a fear inside me.. it was what happen if the biological father come back and haunt them for money... i got ridden on enough, and i dont want my kids follows my footsteps....

Recent event has brought me to a point to tell my kids what had happened and also teach them how to handle the situation
my gal is a kind and she is a sentimental person.... however, sonny is not so.. he gave me a stern note that he will not allow this happen and will at all times, to protect the sister.... Suddenly.. i just feel that my son has grown up..and he is taking up role of a man, to protect his household... i am very glad and relieved...

yes, my kids have indeed grown up.., sensible and mature..
my greatest fear is over, at least for now....thank God for his mercy and grace... what happen next, no one knows really.. but i want to trust God that He will put things right in His time... even though what our flesh eyes sees is so unfair and unjustice to all of us...

happy CNY 2009 - 又过新年

因着神的爱和包容, 我们才可以喜乐在一起.

Its Christmas time again....

汤圆, 吃了有缘有份 ^.^

汤圆 is made of glutinous flour with a little stuffed ingredients in the centre.. like red bean paste and sesame paste.. i love the sesame, it gives out a strong taste and aroma...

there was this saying... 汤圆, 汤圆, 吃了有缘有份.. meaning, after eating this, you will be have a good relationship with others...

i have made a pot of this 汤圆 for my friends coming over for Christmas' eve dinner tonight ...... ^.^

Retribution ....抱应

Is there retribution in our christian faith? Thats 抱应 !!

I guess not right, because our God is a God of LOVE and full of mercy.

Even if a person kills, steals, done so much wrongs and ruined the lives of others... there is no retribution for him if he believes in God, am i right?

Temptation and discipline

With two lonely hearts in a foreign land, the temptation of lust is so prevalent...

But i thank God for i am sober enough and ran away from it. Knowing i cannot make the mistake i have made twenty-eight years ago that led marriage to be a obligation instead of love... And sure enough, after two decades, finally it screwed up.... and two innocent lives ended in the name of a 'broken home' in the society....

However, i still need to thank God for all that had happened.. For He disciplined me and provided the discernment for all things... especially when i am on the road, where the temptation of being folly is right in front of your door steps......

I pray that God watch and make me strong, trusting Him in all things, and the scar in my life will continue to tell me not to repeat the mistake i have done......

And here, the words in Hebrews 12:10-13 ....

"He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed"

Lord, thank you for You have strengthened me much with these words..... Amen

Life is a preparation for eternity.

The take over come with a new name, new department and a new boss.. These few months, i have seen a lot of politics going on in the working place. Everyone is trying to protect his job scope and rice bowl in that sense.... People come out from nowhere just want to know what the hell we are doing and want to get involve too..... All these things really making me mentally exhausted....

But today, i come to read about this written by Rick Warren:
When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realise that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start living in light of eternity, and that will color how you handle every relationship, task and circumstance.

Suddenly, i just feel so light. Light in the sense that the author reminded me what am i here for. Yes, life is a preparation for eternity that God has already made HIs plans long long ago....

I just feel that everything will be alright, while the politicalling still going on and i am sure that will stay... i just know its going to be alright. God is watching how i will handle all tasks coming forth and He is there to help me....

Dear Lord,
I thank you this morning, You have given me your assurance that You are there no matter what is going on around me. I am weak, tired, mentally exhausted in this office. But i am sure i am still here for a purpose. A purpose doing Your will in all the things that in my hands. Lord, i ask for Your strength and wisdom this morning to help me in all the tasks that forth coming....And Lord, i thank you for the eternity that You have done for us............. Amen

Something about Faith

Faith is a deep dark hole. There is no bottom. You can only go deeper and found yourself nowhere.... or go back where u have started.. There is no resting point for the path of faith...

Timmy's 15th birthday

Yesterday was timmy's 15th birthdae... We celebrated his birthdae at home as this birthday was a special one.... It was the lunar date met up with the English calendar date..

Tim is now the tallest guy at home.. At a present height of 1.63m, is not good enough for him, he is targetting a 1.7m.. I was told that this was the ideal height for a man.. Hopefully by playing more basketballs will make him taller..

As he grows, he resembles so much of his father in many ways.. I thank God, though in a fatherless home, he grows up without any femininity.... This was once a concern for me, but surely now it was over.....

Special 'hong baos'

Look at these 'hong baos'!! They were from val and tim over the last three years....
i just could not take my eyes off from this photo...

Indeed, many good things are worth to keep despite in this fallen world....

Our doting grandma

This is the best photograph that i have taken during the first day of CNY. Val and Tim with with their paternal grandma ... i have a photo of them, ten years back, also taken in CNY.... when grandma was strong and energetic.

i thank God for her, for she dotes us so much even though i am no longer her daughter-in-law. Visiting her at this kind of occasion is always a struggle for me. But i know she wants to see my kids... i have told my children we will continue to attend this kind of gatherings, until one day..... we know it is not approporiate to do so....

When i think of this...my tears roll uncontrollably.....

Daunting weekend....

Saturday medical check up left me daunting over the weekend. The report review showed that i have a heart problem. In the midst of seeking second opinion this week, alot of questions surface and i start pondering.....

The first thing in my head was i dont want to die... i have my kids to raise, my dogs depend on me.... I have not found someone who love me and willing to be a partner for the rest of life.... i have not met my maple friends... my good buddies that play the game together.... i have not care enough for my mum..... there are many things i have not done and they are many more questons..... but all without answers.....

Happy Birthday, Jesus

As usual, we have our Christmas gathering yesterday. All my sisters are not believers, but they do enjoy Christmas very much. It is a time of spending the day together, with food - of course, and catching up with one another on the majong table. As for all my nieces and nephews, they look forward to have their Christmas presents from all the aunties... All of them love Christmas, and i hope one day they know that a precious gift waiting for them - thats our Jesus, a King is born in a humble status who identifies Himself with us......

For me, i still cannot thank God enough for His provision all this while... Looking at my older newphews helping me to mount the newly bought dryer onto the wall, i prayed and thank God again for them. Help is always there for me when i needed it.
God has been faithful and i must learn to trust HIM even more......

Happy Birthday, Jesus
I am so glad its Christmas,
All the tinsel and lights
The presents are nice,
But the real gift is You...

Dear Jesus, You are the ever best gift i have received in my life.....

Finally, prayered answered

Finally, the day has come. The years of tormenting, tears and hope can come to a closure with this slippage.....

My prayers is answered eventually, but with disappointment.... However, i was relief in some ways.... Its like its time to let it go, totally..... no more hope, no more tears.... put it all down and continue my lonely journey.

Shepherd of my soul

"Shepherd of my soul I give you full control.. Where ever you may lead I will follow I have made a choice To listen to your voice... Where ever You may lead I will go...."

Tomorrow will be my 44th birthday. I am little scared actually. My eyesight is failing, thats the most prominent sign of aging. I cannot even read the newspaper without my glasses these days. Career uncertainty. There is no direction now in the midst of the takeover. i really do not know about tomorrow.. And most of all, i am afraid of being lonely......

But this song reminded me once again to give God all my fears and anxieties....

Dear Lord,

I must admit sometimes, i fear for nothing. Knowing that You are a God of all creation. Knowing that You know how many strands of hair i have, yet i still fret over all these things... Lord, i am weak these days, very. The surrounding circumstances scare me off terribly. Lord, i ask that You provide me the strength, widsom and discerning for all the things around me. Guide and lead me the way You want me to be... I truly believe all things happening for a reason... I give you the control of my life................Amen

HE Provide

Two days here in Shanghai to train the branch colleagues on the new trading application. Hiccups here and there, but was resolved finally.

And this morning, i worship our Lord, God with this song........

"When the ocean rise and thunders roar, i will soar with you above the storms.
Father you are King over the flood, i will be still and know You are GOD"


Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing me here to see Your Powers again.... Thank you Lord, for giving me a calm spirit when problem arises and Your provision for all the things that i have worked in this place....

Lord, this morning, i ask and pray that you continue to guide and lead me in he coming meetings... Not by my might, but the power of your Holy Spirit that provide the wisdom for me in all things.......Amen

爱你需要勇气

我要永永远远来爱你
我要永永远远渴慕你
你的爱最美
叫我不阻想念你
只愿与你
面对面


Dear Lord,
I long to see your face, loving you need a lot of courage but i am weak sometimes....
Loving You is to see more of You then me...........
Lord, I want to see You more, ONLY YOU can keep me pure...

Beary special mom

Another Mother's Day, cannot thank God enough for them. Although growing up pain is inevitable, but I believe and trust God is there and will will help us.

Ah gal is sweet sixteen this year. A single parent home has made her even more mature compare those who are of the same age. She will be sitting for her O levels soon and i see that she is studying hard. I pray that God will guide her in her studies, not only that, but also in her relationships with the other gender.

Very anxious mum indeed. But i just have and need to continue to trust HIM and keep reminding myself of His words :-

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgivings, present your requests to God"........... Philippians 4:5-7

Dear Lord,

I give You thanks again for these children. Indeed, they are growing up and i understand growing up pain is inevitable... But God, i need the wisdom, to guide them into young adults... Lord, help me in this area so that i can guide the way You want them to be..... Lord, please provide with the discernment over relationships and in all things that come along................... Amen

Coming Home

He lost so much weight. A 1.8m man, he looks even much taller with his slim figure to me..... I dont even recognise him for a moment. He was there, first time in our church..... He has been through a lot of set backs - finance, family, relationships etc etc..... Tonight, he came before the Lord.....

Looking at him, i thank God for bringing him to His house this evening.... This brother's presence reminded me a Chinese worship song and my favourite too :-

耶稣能够叫一切都更新
耶稣能够体会你的心情
耶稣能够改变你的曾经
耶穌爱你 耶稣疼你
耶稣能造一个全新的你

Yes, only Jesus is able to make all things new and in of verse, He say:-

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." ... Matthew 11:28

Indeed, only in HIM, we find absolute peace and rest...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for bringing this long lost brother back. I pray that this brother will continue to seek You. For You are the only One able to help him in all aspects.... Lord, strengthen this brother when he is weak.. bless his work through his hands, help him with his finances and provide him with discernment over his relationships.............................................Amen

His timing for a purpose

A week in Jakarta again. Praise the Lord, the project go live without any more significant issues.

i give thanks to God for all these. Truly trust His timing and decision on all things. This stand still in end March has actually given me the opportunity to learn in depth of another application. i don't think i will get this chance back home. The knowledge in this area indeed given a better understanding and it really helped in my future of similar projects.

Trust that this week, will be my last visit on this project to Jakarta office.

Dear Lord,
I give you thanks for the project finally gone live.. And i thank You for sending brothers and sisters to pray for me. Those that don't really know you have also given me a word of encouragement.....I was touched by the concern and love.... I pray that they will come to know you one day, that You are the almighty God who have delivered me.....who had did wonders and miracles beyond human comprehension.... Lord, strengthen me these days for i am easily weakened ... May your Holy Spirit be my guide and lead me in your righteous ways.............Amen

Defeated soldier

Today, i was like a veteran soldier defeated awfully...

The project suppose to kick off but is stand still now and dont know what to do here in Jakarta for the rest of the week. Very depressed - physically, mentally tired also.

I really want to go home. I miss my children and dogs badly today...

Forgiveness

This morning, i received a mail from a church friend.

The mail was about a young woman who has a bad past wanting to marry the pastor's son. And that created some tensions and arguments within the church members. Finally, the pastor's son spoke and here was his statement:-

"My fiance's past is not what is on trial here.
What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin.
Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial.
So, does it wash away sin or not?"

Indeed, i agreed with the writer that, we bring up the past as a weapon against our brothers and sisters ----- forgetting our sins, big or small ones, were forgiven by the Blood of Jesus.

And knowing through HIM, we are forgiven, i think to learn to forgive ourselves is also important. i remembered there was a stage, i could not forgive myself for those things that i have done in my past. Life was without joy, even though i knew Jesus has forgiven me as i repented..

Learning to forgive myself and put the past before Jesus is a on going process for me. Each time, when i think about the bad past, i will say a prayer, that this was past, the Lord has forgiven you, and you need to forgive yourself and not to make this mistake again.. Knowing God loves you and doing right in His eyes, will bring joy and peace into your life.....

I cannot thank God enough for His forgiveness and kindness....

Give thanks

Have been in Jakarta this week for a project, but my heart was not there to work.

I was rather down about the payout for the last year. Having worked all year round, taking care of two desks work, all i got was my performance was not up to expectations.

I cried UNFAIR. But again, what is fair in this world??

A colleague came to join me yesterday. I think God has planned him to be with me. As dinner served on the table, he gave thanks. His long prayers of giving thanks reminded me this verse :-

1 Thessalonians 5:18
"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"

Tears filled my eyes. Though there are many heavy stuff need to be fixed in the house, bills to pay, provision for my gal to junior colleague this year, I choose to believe God to take care of these accordingly. I need to do what is right in God perspective, pray unceasingly and give thanks in all things....

Choose to LOVE

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no more hurts, but only more love" ...... By Mother Theresa

14th Feb, Valentine's day. Guess what,four years passed, however, when i think of him, sadness looms in. But i still choose to love. Only then, there is hope to be loved and life is more meaningful when one take the first step to love.

Love the stages of life that i am going through now, love my God that He has done countless things for me, love my children and my furbies, always beside and supporting whatever i do.... Love my friends who are always given me much encouragement...

And most of all, love those that don't reciprocate your love. Love is freely given. You cannot ask, beg or even buy. Love sometimes hurt, but it only tell you that you are alive with flesh and blood...

"And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"
1 Corinthians 13:13

Happy Valentine's Day to all who choose to LOVE

Strength and Love from HIM

Sunday morning in Delhi. All alone, worshipping God..

This worship song playing... "Nothing compare to this place, where i can see You face to face, I worship You in spirit and in truth...."
The TAWG is long overdue....

And when i read the verse of the day, it says

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble"... Psalm 59:16

This is what exactly i feel now. With God alone, I felt i am so loved. Yes, physically, i am so much alone - always a lone ranger. Like a vagabond in the desert.. But i know i have another set of footprints walking with me...i am not alone. The state of mind was not alone, but with HIM, where i find strength, where peace and happiness follows.....

Dear Lord,

Recent travels have taken me from home much... But I give thanks for these frequent short trips have been given me a breather also - especially away from the office day in day out stuff... Lord, thank you for loving me in Your ways.. And just like what the verse says... i will sing of Your strength and love in the morning. For Your strength make my mind sober and calm, and Your Love make me whole..

Lord, i ask for forgiveness if i have done things against Your will and i want to be reminded again, to trust YOU in all things... Lord, i ask for protection this morning, especially for my children while i am away. Let your guiding angels be with them always........Thank you for loving me so real... Amen

A wish come true

Taj Mahal

Once was a wishful thought to visit the seven wonders of the world, but it came true for one of them...

Recent business trip has given me a opportunity to visit this magnificent building - Taj Mahal. All alone by myself in a taxi ride of four hours from Delhi to Agra was fearful. But i just did not want to miss this chance.

Looking at this awesome building, so much human labour and lives spent on it. I could not imagine how deep is the love from the King to his wife and the sufferings of those craftmens. Twenty-two years of building this monument for one's love and pain from others - unbelievable. However, it was a memorable trip.

Last day of the year!

With many unfortnate events in this later part of the year, i closed my chapter of 2006.

Bad and unfortunate things happened to good faithful people of God. Heart hardened ones are prospering in all aspects. It just keep me thinking, is my faith got backfired?

Much disappointments in myself and in God! I feel myself running out of steam for this year. I was exhausted.

Tonight watchnight service has given me a outburst of prayers. I have been surpressed for too long, just too long. Too many questions, too many doubts, i just poured out to HIM.

Dear Lord,
You see many things happening down here. Good faithful people of Yours going through very difficult times. i know You have Your divine plans for all these. But my heart still pounding with pain. God, i cried foul play! God, i cried that You are unfair! How can you allow it to happen! But all these showed me one thing - the faith that these peole have in YOU! They are Jobs in the modern world. Lord, i pray and believe You are going to bless them many many folds at the end of the day. Just like Job in the bible.

A new year, a new beginning, Lord, renew my love and restore my life in You ! Amen

A little birthday card

"The Lord who walked with you in your yesterdays, will walk with you through today and all your tomorrows"... the words were written neatly on the card that my children given me.

Today, i passed my 43rd mark. Looking the this little card, i cannot thank God enough for these children. The Lord must have trusted me so much with the role of a mother, to bestow me with His blessings.

Never have i thought of raising the children single handedly. But i am now and God continue to trust me with this precious motherhood. ...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the trust You have on me. Thank you for putting Your blessings into my hands. i feel weak and lost sometimes, how to raise these children normally as a single parent..... But you have said that.. i am the father of the fatherless, a defender of the widows.. Lord, I choose to trust Your words as much as You have trusted me with the children.... As the words on the litte card, You have walked me yesterday, and will continue to walk through with me today and all my tomorrows..... Lord, may Your words and promises sustained and keep me going on as i know all my tomorrows are in Your mighty hands........ Amen

Maternal Instinct

The puppies are two weeks old. They doubled the size now compared the evey day borned.

The maternal instinct of Baby, my Shih-Tzu, amazed me also. Being such a young age (this June, then she turns one year old) she is able to attend to her pups' need. Feeding and cleaning them regularly.

That make me think how much more we, as human mothers can do and have done to our children. Many stories were told about mothers who have done great stuff for their children. However, they were also many sad stories that as the female gender, we have done terrible things to our youngs for many unforseen reasons or circumstances.....

Indeed, our children are at our mercy. These were the words a sister told me while I was ranting how my children upset me some time ago. And I have also realised that my words hurt them much also. They are defendless, they are at my mercy at this point of time, at this stage of their young lives.....

Mother's day, a day to reflect how can I be a better person, a better mum to my children...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this maternal instinct that You have given me. But sometimes, I mis-use it. Lord, I ask for Your forgiveness. As this day's reflection, I ask the Lord for guidance, to be a better person, a better mum for my children. I commit all my pain, hurts and struggles as a single parent to You. That Lord, You are the only one know whats going on and all the answers... Lord, as the society see us a broken home.. but in You, we are whole... Help me to live in Your grace and be strong in it in all things on this earth.. Guide me and my children with your loving kindness, that endures forever and ever....... Amen!

Be of good courage

This morning TAWG again, cannot thank HIM enough seeing me through March.

It was a difficult month soldiering through the task in the new job scope.
But God is good and faithful. He saw me through time and time again......

As I read this Psalm 31:24.."Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord".. tears roll in my eyes.. I strongly believe nothing will come to me unless it passed through our heavenly Father's hands.. All I need is to take heart, be of good courage and wait upon HIM for directions....

Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for Your words. Indeed, again it strengthen my weak heart...Guide and lead me in Your ways these days.. Teach me to be patient and wise in all things..... Lord, thank you for loving me.... Amen

Rich in Time

He left this place for all the reasons he have. Looking for a place to restart his life. Looking for a place that fresh air is available.

Now in this green pasture, although the standard of living is not as good as before, life is simple and much organized........

Indeed, living with less, a simple life - is the most happiest life, I suppose.

With the pace of life is much slower, he managed to try new things that he got no time to do it here... I envy him in some ways. He is a rich man now, not in terms of dollar and cents, but the time that he has...

Today, I say a pray for this brother, asking God to guide and teach him to make full use of the time that he has now. While trying to carve a niche in life, take this opportunity of having the time, to know God and His awesome creations...

Jelly Baby

Jelly Baby

Isn't she pretty? This furby has been a great accompany to me!

Praise the Lord for HIS provision for this lone ranger!

Holding unto HIM

Finally, all dust seems to settled.

The legal stuff of the flat is in the progress with a positive note. A new job scope in the work place has been keeping me busy and away from the current situation.

And I cannot thank God enough for all these provisions.....

And this verse just appear in my mind :-

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you,
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you............... Isaiah 43:2

Indeed, the only way to keep me alive and working against all odds, is to
continue to believe and want to believe that God is here to bless. Even when things unpleasant, I still choose to believe that there is something meant well for me to learn and understand what God wants from me.

Dear Lord,

This is one of Your precious promises that when i pass through the waters and walk in the fire, You will be with me. I want to believe and continue to believe that You are there and never let me go no matter what happens...... Amen

Fierce Love

Tonight, I experienced the fierce love of God in 2 Peter 1:3-9

As I was running away from HIM for some reasons, I sensed His Love, a love that won't let go of me....

Dear Father,

I am too bothered with what others comments and remarks that I lost sight of You.
I sensed your Love this evening. A fierce one, fighting for Your love ones.... thats me. Thank You Lord, for Your words. They come in so timely for this dry soul of mine...... As I take this opportunity to retreat myself from this noisy world, I pray that You will reveal more to me through Your works and words. Create a bigger heart in me, compassionate and pure, to love others...... Amen

2 Peter 1:3-9
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires 5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

Blessings

A nicely wrapped sandwich was on dining table. It was so inviting. I took it up and look at it. My heart was overflew with sweetness, tears started to fill my eyes. I was so touched.

It was prepared by my gal before she left for school.

In the midst of all troubles at work, I thank God for this blessing that I received in the morning. A kind act, a kind word, a tap on the shoulder, a hello from a friend... all these, I consider, are blessings from our Heavenly Father.

Pastor's question: How do you think you are blessed?
活着就是福 - I suppose it means when you are alive, you are blessed. This was from a sister when we shared the question. Indeed, I agree with her.....

Dear Father,

I thank you for that I am alive. Alive to experience You. Alive to receive Your blessings. Alive to feel Your presence. Your inheritance is here and will surely passing on to all Your generations. Father, in the midst of all chaos, I continue to give you thanks. For I know You have made known to me the path of life, that You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand..... Amen

Lord, You are my hiding place

I walked an hour at Far East Square aimlessly during lunch time. My spirit was crashed. I could feel dryness in my body. I think my soul too.

I worked two years in this place. I have worked wholeheartedly. However, my integrity is being doubt. Never have I done anything to harm anyone. I have no words to say. I lost my confidence in this place.

As I write, tears rolling in my eyes.... As I open a browser to my favourite Bible website, I see these appear in front of me :-

Psalm 5 1-3
Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Dear Father,
Thank you for verses. These are the words that I have said to You in the morning too. I am also sure You know what is going on. I can only put more trust in You. For You can make all things possible. I need patience. Lord, teach me to wait patiently and be wise in all things......Amen

Jelly Baby & Darling Doby

Heavenly gifts

Doby and Baby

Praise God for these gifts. They have brought much joy to our home.

A new member

Christmas was just over, and here comes the Chinese New Year.

Still busy in a way. But some urgent matters were settled. The most urgent one was to find an employer for our maid. And it took me two months to find one who was willing to give her an off-day per month. And this was a through a friend's referral.

Finally, maid is gone. But a new member is in. She is Baby. A six months Shih-Tzu. Her size is much bigger than our Maltese, Doby. Both dogs seems to be fell in love on the first date. They become good friends immediately.

The very first night at our place, the children were eager to attend to this new member. My sweet gal tidied up the resting place for Baby while I was giving it a good scrub. And my son could not wait to hug and play with Baby. Making sure the doggie likes him.

Looking my children busy baby-talking with these pets, I just felt that they have so much love to give. Indeed, they are dog lovers. And I thank God for this special gift.

Dear Father,

Thank you so much for moulding my children through these pet dogs. Surely, these pets have made their lives more meaningful. They help my children to know what responsbility is. And let them know what love is about. With this new addition to my family, I ask God to guide us in dealing with these pets. Help us to have more love and patience while training this new member.. I give You thanks again Father, for I know You have been watching us always..... Amen

A love that is worth giving

Stepping into the brand new year, yet there are so many unfinished business. All these needed to carry foward into 2006.

Looking back, still cannot thank God enough for His grace and mercy for the past year. Even when I was in the desert at times with so many things cropped up, I thank God for friends who have extended their hands to me.

Pastor's watchnight message - God's love. Indeed, thats the treasure of the heart that no one can steal.

And only God's love - is the love that is worth giving.

Dear Father,

Thank you for everything that You have given me. Joy with laugthers, pain with tears - all are from You. All these that You have made me grow, made me who You want me to be.... I ask of You, that this brand new year, is to hear Your heartbeat. For getting close to you, is all I need.......... Amen

Absent presence

Last Saturday, I received a card from a sister. The words were indeed encouraging.

Lord, Give me strength
Give us Your strength, Lord.
Because sometimes things get tough, and we are ready to quit.
Give us Your love, Lord.
Because sometimes people reject us, and we are tempted to hate.
Give us Your eyes, Lord.
Because sometimes life get dark, and we lose our way.
Give us Your courage, Lord.
Becaused often we are put under pressure, and it's hard to do what is right.
Give us Yourself, Lord.
Because our hearts were made for You, and we will not rest until we rest in You.

Thank you God, for this sister's love. Guess missing a couple of service, my absence was a kind of presence to her.

While writing this 'absence is present', it reminded me someone. His absence is always present to me. Hope these words, not only encourages me but this person too, and those who read it.

Worker ants who are willing

Taking off for whole of next week. I really need that break.

However, things are diffcult. But I need to thank God still, for He has providing help in the midst of all. I am just one of the worker ant. There are many still, who are willing.

In the midst to getting help, I recall this verse in the Amplified version:

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you"

Dear Lord,
Yes, be a good cheer even in times of adversity. Lord, thank you for this verse. I really find strength and comfort in them.. Lord, bless those who are willing to walk extra mile in helping me.... Amen!

Time to let go

The grinning simle on his face was so satisfying. Thanks to the lego set that he just bought. It was a ship model and come with a sea serpent. He could not wait to fix it.

He started to play these blocks at the age of 9 months. Just when the time he was able to sit up properly. I dumped him these blocks to keep him occupied so that I could do other things. He could sit for hours with them. Indeed, this boy grew up with these building blocks.

Even now, the love of this blocks did not stop. He saves his pocket monies for it. Looking at him, fixing his new toy, I know he has grew up. His voice is breaking. He sounds husky. And he is looking forward to grow taller than me. Well, cannot deny I am the shortie now. Guess,it is time to let go, slowly but surely. This young man need to learn to handle matters more independently, make decisions in the right attitude, and Godly ways.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for this blessing. In the midst of all chaos, I want to give thanks still. I know Father, You know all things and how much we have gone through. Dear Lord, You are the Father to him and my gal now. Though, both of them may not know how to love you, but they cannot deny that You are there, watching all of us. I pray these days that You provide me the wisdom to deal with these growing ups. Teach me when the time to let go and the time to discipline. Lord, help me to guide them in godly ways. Show me how to love them in the liberating manner so to free them the way they want to be....I release both of my children onto Your hands... Amen

Mercy and grace

December, what a month that full of season's greetings. Christmas songs continously playing in the shopping malls. Where ever you go, dressed up Xmas's trees just telling you is Christmas time. However, all these appearances do not help me to enjoy this end of the year.

This month, I experience the most spiritual dryness in my entire five years Christian life. Work, relationships, finances, legal stuff have been giving me a bit of problem. Even the roof over me and my children's head, has been giving me trouble too.

This is the most difficult time I suppose, for this year. I start asking. Where are you, God? Did You hear my prayers? I ask myself, have I lose my faith? Is my heart turning cold? The more I want to believe, the more I doubt. What happen? Have I succumbed to the environment and circumstances that I start doubting God?

Its seems that the more I want to talk about faith, the more I got tested. I am afraid and tired. But then, who can I go to? There is no one, except the Heavenly Father, who is just watching all the earth that He has created.

The earth that He has created for good, the earth that has fallen, and one day He will be sure to restore it back to the original. This reminded me that I have read from a book: Life is difficult, God is merciful, Heaven is sure.

Dear Lord,
Although what I am going through may just little things in Your creation and plans. But I still want to ask for Your mercy and grace to spare me and my children. Forgive me when I doubt, forgive me when I see things more than You. Father, I don't know what to say, I really don't know what to pray now. All I can ask is Your mercy and your grace....... Amen!

He is there

As I am going through a dry patch in my spiritual life in the the midst disappointments and frustrations... I read this, I cannot agree more with the writer....

Henri Nouwen :
"Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as a clear cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. Behind every smile, ther is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge surrounding darkness..... But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us"

Lord, I believe and want to believe. To hang on for what God already pre-commit, promising a future and eternal life. For Your Love remains forever and Your Promises never ever failed! Amen!